The Talent Show

  Recently, my eight-year-old, Celia, came home to me and announced that she wanted to be in her elementary school's talent show.

  I groaned.  We've been down this road before.  One year I had to design Elvis costumes and choreograph a routine for my son, Billy, and his friend, Matt, and Celia and her friend, Hannah.  The next year I had to make chicken suits for Celia and Hannah and choreograph a dance to the Chicken Dance.  Which come to think of it, wasn't that hard, it kind of already has a dance. 

  Luckily, my daughter, Maggie, does her own thing and doesn't generally ask for my help.

  I don't mind helping but the time frame for doing all this is usually just like two weeks and that is a lot of sewing, creating, and demonstrating to do in a short time.

  And the other thing that is downright dismaying about the talent show is the fact that we now live in an era where every kid gets to participate.  No one really gets cut.  That means that every kid gets their two minutes to perform no matter how bad they are.  That makes for a long talent show.

  And of course, each performer travels with a well-populated entourage (grandparents, siblings - usually crying babies and squirmy three-year-olds, long-lost relatives, neighbors, mailman, etc.) complete with copious amounts of audio-visual equipment. 

  These entourages show up early and place multiple coats on entire rows of chairs to save for their very important members.

  And at our talent show, about 1/4 of the chairs at the front are saved for the performers themselves to supposedly wait patiently for their turn.  What happens is packs of children roam between their chairs and their parents in the audience, all during the show.  It's only a little distracting.

  So when Celia said she wanted to do it, I rolled my eyes and said "Great".  It's didn't faze her.

  The next day she came home from school announcing that she was not "doing the talent show with my friend, Abby.  She and Leah want to do the Cha-Cha Slide and everyone is doing the Cha-Cha Slide."

  She said she wanted to do her own act.  I cringed inside when she said she wanted to do a cooking show.  I could picture the amount of equipment and preparation needed to pull this one off.

  A mere two hours later, she had reconciled with them and talked them into being the dancing part of her cooking show?!?  They immediately came over and made up a routine that featured Celia as Rachael Ray and the others girls as Rihanna and Taylor Swift.  I bet you've never seen that one before.

  Luckily, Leah's dad had taught dance earlier in his life.  He came up with a cute and appropriately sassy dance for them to do (the song was Beyonce's "Single Ladies", hence the need for sassy).  I didn't have to choreograph or make any outfit.

  At the show, Celia came out on the stage and said, "Hi, I'm Rachael Ray and this is my cook show".  She welcomed her guests, one of whom by now had naturally changed from Rihanna into Beyonce.  She started to cook only to have Beyonce announce they needed to work off some calories and Taylor deciding that they needed to dance.

  It worked out pretty well and I had only one very large fifth-grader walk cross the path of my video camera on her way back to wherever her lucky parents, pen pals, Sunday School teachers, and orthodontists were sitting.

  And when I asked Celia how she enjoyed performing, a big smile came across her face and she said, "I loved it!"

  I'm already taking applications for my entourage and getting extra coats ready for next year.